In 2015, emerald mine heir Elon Musk announced a design challenge for his latest goofy idea: a new mode of transportation called hyperloop. In response, many collegiate and corporate organizations were formed, including our very own Hyperloop UC. Despite working to fulfill a decades-old pipe dream that has long been viewed as foolish and useless, the club raised nearly $5 million from corporate sponsors over the years and spent it just as quickly hoping to achieve the impossible. However, tensions began to rise within the club as early as 2017, when some of its members started taking physics classes. Their goal was to learn how to bring the hyperloop to life, but upon completion of the classes the students realized how stupid the whole concept actually was.

While Hyperloop UC continued recruiting and fundraising rigorously, its membership numbers continued to suffer due to education, a trend which eventually outpaced the club’s growth. Amid rumors of Hyperloop UC’s latest prototype ending up in a campus dumpster, UC’s Center for Student Involvement confirmed this week that the org had finally lapsed. Its last 3 members took PHYS1001 and reached the same inevitable conclusion as their peers: that hyperloop was nothing more than a grift designed to shift funding and public opinion away from viable, sustainable, and efficient modes of mass transit. We at TNC celebrate the enlightenment of the club’s former members, and sincerely hope their corporate sponsors are using the extra cash to make the world a better place.

It’s been several months since UC broke ground on a construction project between 60 West Charlton and the Edwards Center. The university announced that the site would be home to a new athletics practice facility, something all students have been feeling the distinct need for. However, a leaked document from the Board of Trustees has revealed that the university actually planned a new housing development on the site. It is unclear if the decision to announce a sports complex and then build a dorm was simply made to generate Big 12 buzz, or if the Board quietly changed its mind after the Bearcats failed to live up to prior seasons.

According to the leak, which includes a rendering of the plan, the new housing complex will be a 27-story high-rise with traditional-style rooms and great views of the city. It has been designed by world-famous modern architect Woodie Garber and will feature a facade styled to look like a fresh and updated version of neighboring 60 West Charlton’s iconic exterior. As for 60 West Charlton, which is home to the AACRC and some classrooms, it will be vacated over the coming year to make way for renovation into a dining facility to support the new residence hall.

Every year, late-October brings a sobering moment to many young students. Midterms have been graded, and many realize they might not be cut out for continuing education, or at least a healthy amount of partying in addition to continuing their education. Regardless of the exact cause, the solution is often the same: admit defeat and change majors. Since the turn of the century, many students across the country have decided to pursue “communications” as their second chance. 

Unfortunately, due to UC’s record enrollment, more students than ever are changing their major this October. Reportedly more than 12% of students from the college of engineering and 15% of students from the college of business are looking to transfer, which is a 5% increase from last year. This surge is reportedly putting great strain on the advisors, who are frantically trying to appease both the students and their tuition-paying parents. No plans are currently in the works to further support the communications program faculty. We will follow this story as it progresses.

Dear TNC,

I am a freshman who uses the university avenue garage. Normally I walk the well-worn path in the grass next to the garage ramp, however today I found that the university is fencing it off, forcing me to take the longer path on the sidewalk. This is outrageous! This will unnecessarily add several seconds to my semesterly walk to my car. Why are they doing this?

Sincerely,

Perplexed Parker

Dear Perplexed Parker,

This is quite troubling news. They have quite literally forced their will onto the students. Do you know who builds walls? Communists, that's who. Until we resurrect the great Ronald Reagan to tear down this wall, I say we should exercise our God-given freedom and walk where we please, no matter what those commies do. Do not let them get you down, Perplexed Parker. Be free.

Sincerely,

Carlton